Who I Am

So here it is... my name, Rachel, is of Hebrew origin meaning "Lamb."  Sweet, I know...  except that it also means "gift of God" thereby alluding to the connotation...  in Hebrew history, the cost of redemption was a lamb...  it was the sacrifice.

My initial intent was to dive into this thought farther but for some reason I am suddenly constrained...  Perhaps because I talked much of this through with 1 of my child-hood friends over the phone last week...  Perhaps I simply think it self-evident...  Perhaps a little of both...

Suffice it to say that I am making peace with who I am and that I no longer despise my compulsion to give myself to those whose friendship turns to resentment after I walk with them through tumult.  There are times when I have less to give than others -- such is the way of life, sometimes we are small and other times mighty.  Regardless, I keep open my heart and what I have/am I give.  I can no more choose to NOT to give myself than I can choose to not freckle in the sun.  I am still that girl who, without question, gives her warmest blanket to the boy she knows she'll never see again that found the room he thought he had secured at school was given away.  I simply don't know how to NOT be that girl and I am finding that she is more rare than I realized.

In the midst of my musings, I really can not fail to mention that now & then someone comes along that chooses to stay even if it costs them a great deal and even if I could lift easily out of their life.  Those individuals are few but they make the journey of life joyous and they remind me of who I am and who I was meant to be and who I can finally say that I CHOOSE to be...  My name is Rachel...  Song of Incense is who I am...